she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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