Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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