Can Purell be used as lube?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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