I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
