so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
