i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
