Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
