its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
