she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
