Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
