I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
