A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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