Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
