i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
