My sheets look like a crime scene.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
