I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize