how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
