Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
