Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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