you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize