Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
