I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
