But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
