The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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