i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
