You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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