As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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