I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
