if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
