you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
