My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
