their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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