they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Someone came in the potted fern
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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