She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Let's get the cat blown out
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
