He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
