last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
