Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
