I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize