haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
