DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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