Kiss
Puke
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
