Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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