glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
