Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize