So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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