Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
