im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
