everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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