Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
