I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
