He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we're making bets on your personal life
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
