i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
