So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
