I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
