you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
