yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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