So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
