We won't sleep together?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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