All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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