so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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