I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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