But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
