there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
