dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
