Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
