If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
