cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
