my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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