she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
