I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
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so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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