There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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