she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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