Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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