Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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