a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
