At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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