I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
