I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
