tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
