my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
