Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
soo... how was my night?
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