I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
