Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize