I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
