Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Randomize
