does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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