dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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