What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
