My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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