Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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