No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
