Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
