idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
